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ALS, four pages on two adjoining sheets, 5.25 x 8.25, no date. Handwritten letter to "Johnson," carrying extensive commentary on his automobile journey through France, with humorous notes on the spread of modern plumbing through the region—"the glorious gifts of civilization." In part: "Here we are, at the end of over 1200 mile trip in the Spectre: hoping to get to Boulogne tomorrow & cross to England. Fleck wants to put our valves right after he arrives, and see that everything is clean and in good order. This he proposes to do on Monday and Tuesday: after which I hope to hand over to my own man.
It has been a wonderful run but she is a Terror on tyres. She busted four—all in the same place—the wall: so I imagine that she must roll on them. Fleck put in new springs at Paris and she has ridden easier though this doesn't mean she was once anything to complain of at any time.
She carried us from the South to the North without a slip. I don't count the bog into which she sank for three hours at Marsillargues and was hauled out by horses. More of this later.
The weather has not been good & we were profoundly thankful for the top-heavy as it undoubtedly is. It doesn't rattle much till just at the end. That big front window is almost impossible to plug.
I am sorry we couldn't come round to see you at Neufchâtel, but the motor here meant missing our connections in the North…Paris is a bad city inhabited by lunatics. We had a bit of an incident with a Choisy le Roi tram which for no known reason suddenly crosses the boulevard diagonally…one can't see when the d—d thing swerves. The tram never made a sign or warning but simply charged us. Fleck got us out of it with nothing more than a bent axle. It was a glorious bit of driving but I am only sorry he didn't harm the tram. I never saw such a death-trap of a line in my life."
Here, Kipling sketches a diagram mapping the incident, adding a note: "F had not curled his moustache that morn!" He continues: "We were all going to port together and she touched us just before Fleck could jump the curb. I wish you had been with us for some of our trip. However I think that I shall be able to describe a piece or two of it…
Do you believe in the Resurrection of the Body? If so, do you believe that my body will ever be resurrected? Now here is a Serious Tale—a contribution to Social Science. You know of course that the automobile is spreading civilization through the South—in no respect more markedly than in the sanitary line—what you & me would call the Rear. That is to say the Northern or civilized Seat is rapidly superseding the Southern slipper seat or stand." Here, he sketches the two types of toilets referenced.
Kipling continues: "Where the two civilizations meet…there is a prayer on the back of the W.C. door urging travellers not to 'mount upon' the seat of the modern W.C., and since evidently that prayer has not always been attended to, they have rigged up a board projecting from the wall to prevent the devotees of the old or slipper civilization from resembling the modern oval or ovid polished seat. Heaven knows how they would squat on such a basis, but they've done it because I saw the scrapes of boot-nails on the varnish. I give a diagram on 4th page of apparatus."
Kipling sketches a side angle view of the toilet with board above, as well as a detailed sketch of a man squatting above it. He humorously captions the diagrams, "A projecting board to prevent M.M. les voyageurs from misusing the glorious gifts of civilization." In fine condition.
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